Best Episode
Conventional wisdom has "The City on the Edge of Forever" as the classic Star Trek episode, but I disagree. Yes, it is the best made perhaps, and certainly the most dramatically mature..but it is not representative of "Trek" as a whole.
Here I name "Mirror Mirror" as the best, and it highlights Star Trek at its second season sparkly best.
Worst Episode
Again, conventional wisdom names "Spock's Brain" here. It is very bad, with gapping holes in logic, but it's fun and memorable if only for "Brain, we know nothing of brain"...
No, here I award this honour to "Turnabout Intruder", also the very last episode ever. Queen Bitch Kirk stomps, kicks, screams and does his nails. Yes, more than usual.
The episode does provide Star Trek's fitting closing words: "If only..if only"
Best Alien
Too easy, the Klingons, even as underdeveloped as they are. Part Russians, part Huns, they are not to be trusted and totally evil. "Day of the Dove" however does provide the slightest of character nuance.
Biggest spaceship
"The Corbomite Maneuver" Holy Christ that's big. It must be a mile in diameter. The Doomsday Machine might be bigger but doesn't look it.
Best composed shot
"The Paradise Syndrome" Spock ponders the tones.
Best SFX
"The Tholian Web" As the show deteriorated, its special effect actually improved, as the openings of "Spock's Brain" and "Specter of the Gun" illustrate.
Worst SFX
"Catspaw". The death of Korob and Syliva. Shellfish, fur and black thread. Awfully fishy. The shadowy influence of Sonny and Cher on their appearance is noted.
Best bridge shake
"The Immunity Syndrome" Over the railing no less. Kirk's hair remains in place.
Attack that really gets Spock's attention
"The Changeling". First shot from Nomad, the equivalent of 90 photo torpedos. Surprise!
Best Kirk/McCoy scene
"The Ultimate Computer" And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by. Wonderfully economic and to the point.
Best Spock/McCoy argument
"The Trouble with Tribbles" Wonderfully bitchy exchange. Includes one of Spock's best comebacks: "So would an ermine violin doctor, but I see no advantage in owning one". Snnapp!
Best comeback to Spock
"The Squire of Gothos" Trelane's response to Spock: "You do have one saving grace after all. You're ill mannered". Snnapp snnapp!!
Coolest McCoy Moment
"Space Seed" McCoy disarms Khan. "I was just trying to avoid an argument." That McCoy, straight to the jugular.
Best angry McCoy moment
"Friday's Child" Leonard bitch slaps a princess. She gets real quiet after that. She names her child after him as well.
Best angry Spock moment
"The Naked Time" Spock bitch slaps a princess. He gets real weepy after that and exposes a nasty machine fetish.
Best bitchy Spock moment
"Plato's Stepchilidren" Spock lets the 3000 year old princess know she may need some work.
Best Uhura moment
"Mirror Mirror". Forget the interracial kiss, this is Star Trek's most progressive shot, motherfucker.
Best babe
"The Cloud Minders" Droxine. Yes Virginia, there were navels in Star Trek. She had a brain too, but didn't eat very much!
Most frightening babe
"That Which Survives" Lieutenant Rhada. Even Spock doesn't like her. She does have the honour though of announcing the top speed the Enterprise ever went: warp 14.1
Campiest babe
"The Gamesters of Triskelion" Shahna. She even manages to outdo Kirk. Impressive. Brain power, less so.
Her career when sideways from here.
Scariest alien babe
"The Gamesters of Triskelion" Chekov's Drill Throl Tamoon. To this day I'm not sure if that is a man or a woman. Best not to.
Cutest guy
"Shore Leave" Kirk's old nemesis Finnegan. "Lay one on me Kirk, just like you always wanted to do".
Not so cutest guy
Mr Farrell. Omg man, smile.
Scariest alien stud
"Elaan of Tryoius" Engelberg Humperdinck (aka Kryton) gets up to no good.
Career destroying appearance on Star Trek that didn't destroy a career
"The Way to Eden" Adam. Charles Napier when on to better things. Yea Brother.
Worst case of Star Trek's love of Nazi themed imagery
"Patterns of Force" Kirk looks all together too comfortable.
Coldest murder
"Whom Gods Destroy" Garth ends Marta's suffering. Nasty.
Coldest aliens
"By Any Other Name" Rojan makes an example of Yeoman Thompson. They give him a planet later on by the way.
Creepiest aliens
"The Apple" Akuta and the Feeders of Val. Clueless white Tahitians.
Bitchiest alien
"Elaan of Troyius" The Elaan herself. Classic.
Most mysterious aliens
"Arena" We are the Metrons. I never have thought his legs and body match up.
Gayest Alien
"Elaan of Troyius" Ambassador Petri. Nothing can begin to explain how wrong this shot is.
Best dinner scene
"Space Seed" Khan gets his ass handed to him. Excellent, excellent.
Best minor alien character
"Journey to Babel" Ambassador Shras explains the motivations for murder. Even dressed in cotton candy, he's chilling.
Best robot
"I Mudd" Stella Mudd. She would also fit under "Most Evil Robot", even edging out "The Doomsday Machine"
Worst Chekov
"Catspaw" Davy Jones defected to the U.S.S.R. and returned with less acting skill and worse hair. Damn Commies.
Worst Teeth
"Let that be your Last Battlefield" Scotty. Yes blow up the ship, please.
Worst SciFi Moment
"The Changeling" We can reeducate her! In a week! Really! Fooo-eeee!.
Worst intentional malfunction
"Let that be your Last Battlefield" The doors don't quite close so Spock can listen in.
Most Misogynistic moment
"The Changeling" again. Women are "a mass of conflicting impulses". This coming from a not too bright hybrid.
Best innuendo
"Conscience of the King" "All this power, surging and throbbing, yet under control. Are you like that captain?"
Best implied sex scene
"Wink of an Eye" Kirk and Deela have a quick one. Let's hope it lasted a bit longer than a wink.
Best pant ripping scene
"The Savage Curtain" Oppsy!
Best shot of Kirk holding as stone penis
"What are Little Girls Made of?" Watch out Ruk, Kirk looks like he means business.
Best stunt
"Who Mourns for Adonis?" Scotty gets zapped and lands hard.
Worst Kirk stunt double
"Space Seed" Khan fights Kir...what a minute? Who is that guy?
Worst song
"Charlie X" Perhaps being atonal and lyrically inept will be the musical forms of the future.
Best shot of Kirk escaping from already open handcuffs
"Patterns of Force" Um Kirk, your left cuff is already undone..oh never mind.
Best ad libbed shot
"Spock's Brain" Kirk attempts to shut Spock up with his remote control during the final fade out.
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