Xcite!™ Xposed!™

At this point I must state that I am not an Xcite!™ customer.

As only an American could envision, you are born into Second Life sexless. Well not so much sexless as genital-less.

Embarrassing.

No sir, not embarrassing, because you're going to take care of it with another American concept. Free Enterprise comes to the rescue in the form of Xcite!™

Xcite!™ is the Microsoft of Second Life, by far the largest suppler of "The Finest Sexual Equipment". Thus equipped, you are compatible with all the other Xcite!™ users. No software issues. It is so MS-like in fact, many Xcite!™ users are genuinely surprised that some would choose another brand (overheard once: "If you want to have sex in Second Life, you have to have Xcite!™").

Xcite!™ is usually the first place newbies go to fill their "sexual equipment" needs, normally on no better advice that from another recent newbie saying "It's what everyone buys".

So before all the fun, we too have to go dick, umm excuse me, cock shopping (my apologies to our female readers for a lack of info for them, but I do know Xcite!™ makes a wide range of Clits, just for *you*).



The Xcite!™ main store has a wide selection for all budgets.



Thoughtfully packaged *sexual survival kits*. Before you have a heart attack, those prices are in Lindens, the currency within Second Life. That 1,200L is about $4.80 U.S.

And this doesn't included all the other wonderful bits available: Xcite!™ shoulders, Xcite!™ lips..I believe there is even an Xcite!™ whip.

But we came to buy a cock. If you are looking for the very best, look no further than the X3.



This sizable fully functional and tintable Hindenburg-like creation is the must have of 2007. On its first day of release, proud new owners were seen across Second Life, whipping out X3s, comparing size and animations. This competition guaranteed that most users had theirs dialed up to "Horse".

And one did not buy the X3 directly. No, you first had to buy the X2 (if you were not already a proud owner) and then *upgrade* to the X3. What a feeling of entitlement it must give!

[There are stories that the early X2 had a bug during the upgrade process, causing it to scurry away like the baby chestburster in Alien...]

Once worn, the X3 user is greeted with dialog boxes and buttons (a HUD, or "heads up display"), taking all that silly guesswork out of cybersex. Xcite!™ is truly for those who don't know (or possibly care) what real sex is actually like (remember gentle readers, these products are designed and made by *programmers*...I rest my case).

Another charming aspect of Xcite!™ products are their chattiness. Once *touched*, it will emit an endless stream of text based "erotic" responses (or on special occasions, audio of someone faking an orgasm). Ripped from the pages of very bad 50's porn (oh um, about which I know nothing), it has a very bad habit of turning up in very public spaces (usually the result of newbie exuberance at finally experiencing sex in any form. "Hey everybody! I'm getting laid on the dancefloor!")

God forbid you should be near someone having an Xcite!™ orgasm (again, these happen in clubs while dancing). It doesn't so much resemble an orgasm as someone being kicked in the back by a horse...repeatedly.



The Master/Slave movement is big in SL, and they are not forgotten. Finally, ChainAnywhere 2.0 Technology. No more runaway slaves ruining your garden party.



There's something for everyone. But we will leave the Furries and Gorians for a later date.

Oh and by the way. If you're really looking to purchase the best dick in SL, ask the black guys, duh.