Game of Thrones is really quite awful

Yes, these are child actors. Hard to tell, as everyone acts childish in the Seven Kingdoms.

HBO's latest offer is the miniseries "Game of Thrones".

Does it have all the prerequisite conditions of a modern series?

Needless violence. Check

Gratuitous nudity. Check

Incest. Check

Anachronistic swearing. Check

Children and dwarves. Check (here we get a double bonus, dwarf nudity and children saying "cunt". Ah, good times)

Lesbian scene. Check

Add to this confusing plot*, countless unpleasant characters we don't give a fuck about, and rampent misogyny and you get a ratings bonanza.

It does have some nice opening credits, without which we'd be even more confused.

* its source is a series of books, and a familiarity with said books would have helped. Apparently, all the nastiness is in the books as well.

Do you miss Tolkien yet?

Recount

HBO's Recount is a retelling of the events in Florida during the 2000 American election. It's biased (goodness me, you come away with the impression that Bush and Co. are brown shirted fascist bullyboys...parish the thought) and infuriating, but it does reflect the events as they happened.

It is worth watching if for nothing else than Laura Dern's portrayal of Katherine Harris.

Rome II ep 10

Thaaaat's all folks.

HBO's Rome has wrapped up, is finished, done.

We began tonight with a jump cut to right after the Battle of Actium in 31 B.C., and follow the events up to Octavian's Triumph in Rome.

Though marred by my usual gripe (the Tweedles are right there, central characters at the making of Empire), Rome's handling of "Antony & Cleopatra™" and their dealings with Octavian were almost underplayed (Cleopatra's meeting with Octavian is the best example. Not underplayed was Antony's impression of Joe Pesci), here done with close cropped or close up shots.

As I've said all along, Rome can handle the history, it's the fiction they sucked at.

Given that, I will give the writers one point: they did produce a tear inducing scene of deathbed forgiveness.

"Greeks talk a whole pile of nonsense. Fuck 'em"

So the series is over, though it had enough set ups for a 3rd season (look at the exchange between Livia and Atia for example).

And as before, Tweedle Dumb and another character (I don't want to give away who, but it maybe the writers greatest liberty taking with History) walk into the distance in the last shot of the show. Dumb's actions in Rome were bizarre, but at least he was consistent in his inconsistency, as were the writers of the flawed series.

Rome II ep 9

Dec-A-dent

In dealing with Antony & Cleopatra, I was willing to cut HBO's Rome some slack as ancient accounts about the famous pair tend towards the sensational as it is.

So do my favorite writers find themselves up to the task?

Nope.

In the one place where they could have, where they should have gone over the top, what do they give us? Eye makeup. Dark sixties eye makeup.

Dec-A-Dent. But..but..it's on the men! Shocking!

Cleopatra is back to her dope smoking punked out ways, and she taking Antony along kids!

But are we given pearl drinking feasts, oared barges suggestively thrusting their way down the Nile?

Nope, just the happy couple, fucking in front of the help...again....shocking.

I get that the writers are trying to make the events of this time understandable by showing it through the eyes of only a handful of characters.

To their credit, their interpretations of historical figures is adequate, sometimes even better than that.

I'm not sure Maecenas was quite such the worm though.

Where the writers fail is their attempts to interweave historical events with their fictionalized characters.

Doing so, it seems the fate of the Empire will rest with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb (again), which is turning out to be the real love story in Rome.

"Have him kiss my children for me..."

When the writers are creating events solely for their fictionalized characters, they are less than able, giving us Melodrama™ of the highest order.

Example: the last few minutes of this episode. A flawed ending to a otherwise noble attempt.

"Why don't you shut your fucking mouth?"

Fine. Some nice panoramas of Rome and Alexandria btw.

Rome II ep 8

Much as I hate to say it, this episode of HBO's Rome finally resembled BBC's "I Claudius"...sort of.

Some criticized I Claudius for being just a soap opera in togas. Well, Rome tonight was very much that and more (I mean more than usual).

We begin with Octavian thanking the women of Rome for their strength and virtue, but knowing the writers, they mean to show nothing of the sort.

You like to do what!!?

It's all their fault, of course.

First, Octavius arranges to meet a young Livia at a party (I waited for violin stabs as they met, but even Rome isn't that cheesy...). They blink an eye, and the marriage is arranged.

But what's this! Maecenas is plotting, with Caesar's slave, to steal from Octavian? Ok, it's weak, it's unhistorical, but the writers must have a reason (other than Maecenas's need to keep his lady friends in opium)...

...of course, all will be well, as Tweedle Dumb is guarding the gold, natch!

What! Just at the last moment his wife is poisoned (by an evil woman - see *), so the gold is stolen! NO!

Such shock, such suspense. Who could have taken it?

Anyway, Octavian brings new wifie to dinner, and gets around to pissing everyone off (sis and mother's fault this time).

Even more glowering.

Thank God it isn't just the aristros having family problems, as Tweedle Dee finally goes through naughty little daughter's Barbie collection and discovers she has been sleeping with the enemy...oh *there's* the gold!

"Cherchez la femme" is what they should have done, but nooooo, Lepidus has already discounted anything a Gaul would say.

Rufus has slaves for every budget

So off to Egypt goes Antony, because the history books say he does, and with him goes Tweedle Dee..because...because...the writers say he does.

Tweedle Dumb is left to get over his wife's death in 30 seconds and then recreate the Gangs of New York to settle some scores (*caused by same evil woman?).

There were fragments of historical events, but they passed as motes in the wind. The episode does end with an amusing bit of dialog...

"Antony...Cleopatra..."



Tune in next week.

Rome II ep 7

"No one believes what the news reader says..."

Boy that's true, but I'll try just the same...

HBO's Rome is back and see, I was right, there is much lamentation.

And lamentation, and lamentation.

I call for justice.

HBO's own site put it this way: "Servilia's incessant cries for justice drive Atia to distraction, and result in an unfortunate public denouement."

"an unfortunate public denouement" LOL, now that is an exit.

Real politics take a back seat to sexual ones in this episode, with everyone fucking the wrong people (oh no, not in the kitchen!) and marriages that will cause *all* sorts of problems.

You're fucking my sister you little pervert....here's Egypt by the way

Flashes of fun here and there with the Triumvirate dividing the World.

"Well, this is awkward...spit"

The gratuitous breast washing shot was also a highlight, as was a gift bearing King Herod stopping by...almost for good.

All mockery of Jews and their one God is to be kept to an acceptable minimum.

Amen. Mockery of the extremely dumb story line of the assassins on the other hand, is greatly encouraged.

Episodic. I would love to reedit this series.

Rome II ep 6

You are a ferocious little cunt...with a pen

No, not him, Octavian. And certainly not the writers.

"Making a list and checking it twice..."

We begin in Greece with Brutus in a good mood, then it's off to Gaul and The List.

Did you notice Anthony and Atia are wearing the wardrobe from "Gladiator"?

So maybe tonight we'll get an episode based around the events of this troubled time in Roman history.

The List! The List!...but no, who do they hand it to but Don Dee.

Yes, my favorite fictional characters are plunged, yet again, into the middle of events. The writers are not up to the task, as their created events integrate uncomfortably with the historical ones.

Case in point: of course the writers have Tweedle Dumb (of all people) pay a little visit on Cicero. Are not he and Don Dee the center of all events? Must they not always be there when major events take place. Is it not the only way we poor viewers could possibly relate to history, but by having so called ordinary everyday psychopaths stand in for us.

Gad, they go on a Picnic. Yes dear, I'm off to murder one of Roman's leading citizen...Let's make a day of it!

You gotta hand it to that Cicero.

Dumb stupid writing, and the show is filled with it. Silly domestic squabbling. Tweedle Dee and Dumb act like robots, their actions not really making a lot of sense.

And for the Most Unbelievable Moment™ Cicero's messenger LOOSES a message, a message he has sworn his life to deliver, because he runs into...wait for it...Tweedle Dee...and doesn't NOTICE it's gone.

Blah blah blah...

More domestic stuff, this time with the rich folk...then something about Zionists....and awww, Tweedle Dumb is Army SIck.

We end with the Battle of Philippi (which begins with one of the great crimes of filmmaking, the reversed shot. As the camera pans over a line of soldiers, it is clear the flag in the background is blowing backwards).

"If you need to urinate, now would be the time"

Vast vistas of computer generated legions, then five minutes of Braveheart.

The Death of Brutus, and Octavian's "reluctance" to enter the battlefield are handled nicely though (I thought the soldiers surrounding Brutus would not do him in, but would just make sure he did the deed himself).

Next week, there will be much lamentations.

Rome II ep 5

To begin...Let's ignore the whole Tweedle Dumb/Tweedle Dee (now again Don Dee) storyline, with it's endless series of events that I stopped caring about back in 50 B.C. for Christ's sake.

Except for the massively telegraphed scene where Mrs. Dumb makes hubby promise he'd save her first (over Don Dee) in event of an emergency, because she's afraid hubby loves him more..

No shit Sherlock.

That and the highly entertaining Magic Chicken Children Saving Ceremony.

"Now for a little chat between your drug binges".

No, tonight had what all Rome viewers have been waiting for: A Roman Orgy™!...if somewhat tame (first stages only. Have you noticed there are far less giant penises this season?)

"I say, are the walls melting?"

When HBO's Rome focuses on history, albeit not terribly accurate history, it is watchable.

Shame though that even during these rare bites, there are very few scenes and dialog that makes you sit up and take notice.

Tonight's show had some that were different.

The standout was Octavian's appearance in the Senate. Beautifully played, it went from Hope to Despair. Watch Octavian's eyes...

Someday, I would like to see a re-edited version of Rome, where all the fictional nonsense is removed, because I think the makers have the seed of a good version of the rise of the Empire.

It's their lurid imagination that brings this production down. It's good to know though that Don Dee's daughter is a Judas Priest fan.